Skip to main content

Praying for Patience


Our pride and joy - love this face!

These days I really have been praying for patience. Not as a parent (I think I'm doing OK with that - it helps having a baby that is practically perfect!) but with a few other things I'm struggling with since Isaiah was born. Let's face it, I'm not the most patient person. I couldn't wait to grow up and graduate college; I received my bachelor's at age 19. I couldn't wait to get out of Washington; I took the first internship I was offered in sunny San Diego and moved one month later. I couldn't wait to get married; I was engaged for only 2 months.

I've always been eager to get up and get things (whatever they might be) going! While we're slowly developing a new routine for everything with the newest addition to our family, there are two things in particular that I'm struggling to wait for.

First off, I don't like breast feeding. This is REALLY hard for me to admit (I only just told Darren a few days ago). It makes me feel like a bad mom admitting that especially because I know how good it is for Isaiah and have heard of so many women that enjoy it. Well, I'm sorry, world, but I don't.

I'm sure one of the biggest reasons I don't like it is because I'm struggling with it; it hasn't been easy for me at all. Not only did I deal with the sores and cracks but I developed an infection (mastitis) - a very painful issue to deal with on top of the usual symptoms of the recuperation period. I also don't like not knowing how much milk Isaiah gets. Sometimes he nurses for 20 minutes, sometimes 10 and sometimes 45 minutes. I've even given him a bottle (4.5 oz) and he wanted to nurse after. The boy LOVES to eat and he's gaining plenty of weight so that isn't my concern. My concern is that it's a little more difficult to figure out his schedule when I don't know how much food (in fluid ounces not minutes) he really requires.

It also makes me nauseous. I don't know why. I haven't heard of this happening to anyone else and I may just have to ask my doctor about it in two weeks. I do not think nursing is "gross" at all but for some reason, I get really nauseous when I nurse and pump. I even have made sure I'm drinking enough fluids and eating enough - I still get nauseated!

I also don't like how it feels when my milk lets down. It feels likes Isaiah is sucking the energy out of me (literally!). Even worse, I hate how it feels when my milk comes in. We were watching American Idol the other night and Pia's rendition of "All By Myself" gave me goosebumps. As soon as I got the goosebumps I got the tingly feeling of my milk arriving. It also happens any other times I get chills or goosebumps (heaven help me when I get out of the shower!). I just don't like it!

I don't plan on giving up breast feeding any time soon. I really want to stick it out because I know it's really good for Isaiah's health as well as my own health and he really enjoys his nurse time. :) But I just want to be honest, it's no cup of tea for me!

I'm also praying for patience about moving to Washington. Since having Isaiah I've realized the lack of a support system we have here. Darren was gone for four nights a week ago to go up to Washington and I felt very lonely. We did have some friends that brought over meals and kept me company (you know who you are...THANK YOU!) but I know that if we were in Washington, I would have had more friends and family over throughout the day and probably night. I can imagine my sister coming over with advice and her crazy boys, my other sister with lots of kisses and a great story, my mom AKA super-grandma, my dad with some mean BBQ chicken or steak, or just the comfort of knowing they're all just a quick drive away if I needed them.

Here, in San Diego, it really is just the two of us (now three). I don't want to discredit the life we've built in San Diego because there have been so many wonderful memories created with some amazing people and Darren and I will share those stories with our kids for decades. But our life here has nearly run its course and we're anxious to get home. I'm praying that God helps me to remain calm and patient until the date is set.

I'm aware this post may come off a little "poor, poor, pitiful me" and I don't mean for it to - I just wanted to get a couple of things off my mind!


Isaiah was just relaaaaxing while I was writing this post. :)

Comments

  1. Heather and Jasen RaphaelMarch 12, 2011 at 8:43 AM

    Not poor, poor you at all! I think that you are totally normal for feeling that way! Hell I haven't even had our baby yet and I have already thought about some of these things! And I think a lot of it does have to do with our husbands careers and being home alone ALOT! Hang in there, and God will get you home soon. :)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The 10-20-30-40-50 Workout

    I get asked what I do for exercise quite often. I, in no way, have the perfect body, but I am in pretty decent shape and I think it is always important to maintain an active and healthy lifestyle whether you're a mom or not. I don't think being a mom is an excuse to not be healthy (and just so y'all know, being healthy doesn't mean we don't have stretch marks or extra cushion. AmIright?) but I do understand dedicating a large quantity of your day to fitness is really difficult. In addition to having a desire to be healthy, I workout because food. I love it. And I don't want to stop eating it. So I workout. I take one kickboxing/insanity class each week at a local church (I LOVE IT!) but other than that I'm on my own for exercise. Running is usually my go-to - it has always been relaxing, calming and therapeutic to me. Then my kids turned 2 and 4 and I was like 'holy cow! Is there an actual COW in this stroller I'm pushing? One that won...
Post a Comment
Read more

Each Day Has Enough Trouble of Its Own

Sometimes we hear exactly what we need to hear. That's what happened to me this week. Along with motherhood, as many of you know, comes so much worry. Worry about the well-being of your child. Worry about doing things correctly. Worry about giving enough time to your children and enough time to your husband. Worry about finding enough time for yourself. Worry about being a good mom and a good wife. Worry about getting enough sleep tonight so I can have enough energy to get through tomorrow. The list of worries and anxieties go on and on. They don't tell you about this when we sign up to be parent. Or do they? Anyway, last week I was reading the Bible. While studying the book of Matthew I came across this verse: "But seek first His kingdom and all His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:33-34 Isn't that script...
2 comments
Read more

Cowboy Caviar

One of my husband's favorite things to munch on is chips and salsa. Okay, mine too. But there is something so refreshing about cowboy caviar and I always feel way less guilty eating it. Because vegetables. Here's a super easy recipe for your next get together or late night snack: 1 diced red pepper 1 diced green pepper 1 diced red onion 1-2 diced tomatoes 1 can drained sweet corn 1 can drained and rinsed black beans 1 can drained and rinsed white beans (or black eyed peas) 1 bunch cilantro leaves (optional) 2 diced avocados  (optional - it won't keep as long if you add these) Mix together in a bowl. Dressing: 1/4 cup olive oil 1/3 cup white wine vinegar 2 Tbsp. sugar 1 tsp chili powder 1 tsp sea salt 1/4 tsp cayenne pepper (optional) Whisk together and then add to caviar mixture. Serve with tortillas chips & enjoy!
Post a Comment
Read more