Skip to main content

Learning to Self-Feed

I have a confession. Last fall Darren and I talked about leaving our church. A few things made us feel like that might be a possibility - we didn't like the series we were on, I didn't really care for the study I was doing in my small group, the friends we hang out with often go to different churches, our friends are pastors at other churches, etc. There wasn't anything big or crazy that happened, there was just something pulling at my heart saying maybe this isn't where we need to be. So we prayed about it. Quietly. But dog-gonnit, I prayed every day Jesus would make it clear to me. And He did.

Hear my prayer, LORD, listen to my cry for help. Psalm 39:12

Sometime in October or November, our pastor called me to ask Darren and I to lead a young couples social group for the church. Say whaaaat? He picked us? Out of the whole church. Are you sure? No, we weren't the only couple on the list but we were on it. He wanted us to lead. Jesus was calling us to lead.

Maybe some of you are born leaders (my husband is) but I am not. I don't like attention. I hate speaking in front of groups even when I want to. (You know that saying, "Speak the truth, even if your voice shakes"? It is so me.) I broke out in hives at our wedding, not because I was nervous to marry Darren or because I got stung by a bee. TWICE. Up my dress. But because there were a lot of people there. Looking at me. Listening to me. That scares me.

We felt good about staying at High Pointe. I even felt relief. There's something peaceful about Jesus saying, "No, child. You are right where I need you to be."

When my small group starting a new study this last January, I was still feeling a little frustrated. I LOVE that entire group of women, do not misunderstand. But the study was not enough. After our meetings on Friday, I was still hungry. After church on Sunday, I was still hungry. I needed more and I was blaming it on other people. "Pastor Kevin isn't feeding me enough!" "This study isn't enough!" "This series isn't enough" "Maybe this church isn't enough?"

What I realized is it's not up to other people to fill me with the Holy Spirit. Yes, pastors and leaders can be great influences and teachers and they are very important. But at the end of the day, it's my relationship with Jesus that is the foundation for my life. Not my church attendance. Not the sermon I heard or the Bible study I read. Me. It is my responsibility to seek God with my whole heart, every day. No one can do that for me.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13

I needed to learn to self-feed. So I did. I prayed more than ever. I read the Bible more than ever. I searched God's Word for what He wanted me to hear. There I was; listening. That's the thing about learning to spiritually feed yourself. It's like every time I open God's word there is a message written just for me.

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24

Come June, I had finished reading the entire New Testament (I could read it over and over) and my small group leader approached me about starting my own group. Crazy. So now I plan to. I'm not saying my voice won't shake. Or I won't break out in hives. Or that I have all the answers. But I know where to find them. And I'll search and dig and read and pray until I am full; until my thirst has been quenched.

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations. Matthew 28:19

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

19 Meals, $114

Here we go... Menu: 2 Potato Soup 2 Cheesy Chicken and Broccoli 1 Sweet Hawaiian Chicken 2 Italian Peppers and Sausage 1 Roast Beef Au Jus 1 Memphis BBQ Pit Pork Roast and Potatoes 1 Cheeseburger Soup 2 Chili 1 Honey Mustard BBQ Chicken 1 Italian Sausage Spaghetti Sauce 1 Balsamic Roast 2 Mac and Cheese (non crock pot) 2 Shepherds Pie (non crock pot) Shopping List: 2 cartons chicken broth (or 4 cans) 3 cream of chicken 3 cans corn 4 cans tomato sauce 3 cans cheddar cheese soup 4 cans diced tomatoes 1 can diced pineapple 2 cans kidney beans 2 cans black beans 3 bottles BBQ sauce 1 bottle honey mustard 1 Memphis BBQ Pit Seasoning Packet 1 Au Jus seasoning packet 2 packages cream cheese 3 bags of shredded cheddar cheese 2 Pork Roasts 1 package roast beef 2 bags of chicken breasts 2 packages Italian sausage links 1 package Italian sausage (ground) 8-10 lbs. ground beef 2 boxes yellow rice 1 box spaghetti noodles 2 boxes macaroni noodles 4 p...

There Is Enough Time

When I became a new mom of two, my mom gifted me a book she read when she became a mom called 'There is Enough Time.' It was really old, an "original." It was written in the fifties is what I'm saying. I read most of it and nodded my head in a agreement a few times but mostly, it felt so irrelevant. Raising kids in the 50's was very different than it is now. But here's what I've noticed since I've been holed up with my kids for the last two weeks (yep, tonight is my 14 day mark), there is enough time. It's been forced upon us, yes. Something we Americans don't like - how dare the government tell us what to do? (gasp!) - it's like we got grounded because the neighborhood bully got us in trouble. But when all the "fun stuff" got canceled - the sports, the plays, the parties, the people - we were forced to reevaluate our days. It turns out, when you have nowhere to go there is enough time. Enough time to dance, to go on fam...

20 Meals for $200

Good Evening! World's worst blogger here. (Seriously. I will never be consistent here, folks.) But I have some meal prepping for you: 20 meals for less than $200. I'm not sure the exact amount because I bought groceries for the week and a year's supply of baking ingredients (for all the Christmas goodies) and frankly, I don't want to do the math. But it's definitely in the just under $200 ball park. Let's get started... Menu | Simple Spaghetti & Meatballs Tuscan Chicken Cajun Smoked Sausage & Rice Pulled Pork Pork Tacos Teriyaki Salmon Vegetarian Chili Chuck Roast Winger's Chicken and Waffles Southwest Chicken Y'all. These are the most simple meals to throw together. Because Christmas. And I'm not going to busy myself being extra when I want to enjoy the holidays. It took me about an hour. Grocery List | 2 packages of spaghetti noodles 2 packages of rigatoni 1-2 cartons of broth (this is to add to the meals when cookin...