Skip to main content

When Anxiety Sets In



I didn't realize it at the time, but looking back now I can tell I had some definite struggles with post-partum anxiety after I had Isaiah. This anxiety bled into my pregnancy with Maci. I remember worrying about whether I'd love her enough and I also remember being afraid of Darren dying. It was so weird. I feel like this is something not a lot of people talk about. Everyone talks about the joys of pregnancy and then cautions you about post-partum depression and the baby blues. But not many people talk about anxiety. The thing is, post-partum anxiety is also very real and it doesn't look how you'd expect because a lot of the time, it's internalized.

It took some soul searching and many meetings with Jesus for me to come out of the cloud of anxiety. First it took me a while to name it and then to replace my worry with trust in God. The more I cultivated my walk with God, the more I understood His sovereignty. This allowed my post-partum recovery to go much more smoothly with Maci and also helped my parenting and now this pregnancy. 

I have been way less anxious this entire pregnancy. But as I near the end, I still get different flashes of anxiety. While reading, "You and Me Forever" by Francis and Lisa Chan, this sentence jumped out at me:

"If you worry about what would happen to your children if you were gone, you don't understand the providence of God."



As a control freak, I happen to know how easy it is to worry. Since so much of pregnancy and child birth is beyond my control, I can replay a million different scenarios of how things are going to go when I go into labor with Emmie. Will she be okay? Will I be okay? Will Isaiah and Maci be okay? Dear Lord, if things move quickly, please don't let my kids witness it and be freaked out.

I understand the providence of God. I know that worry will get me nowhere. I know He is a God that provides. But the control freak in me struggles to actually grasp the providence of God. Logically, I got it. In practice, I struggle. Why? Because I want to know all the things all the time.

The more I talk and listen to God and read the Bible, the more I am filled with peace and the more I am able to grasp His providence. If my Bible stays closed, I do a lot more talking at God and not a lot of listening. This is how my anxiety and worry and doubt builds.

Ultimately, the health of myself and my family is not up to me. The outcome of each day is not really in my control. When I start to feel out of control and anxiety starts to creep in, these are my go-to verses (I have them tabbed and highlighted for easy access):

Search me, O God, and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him... Romans 8:28

Why, you do not even know what will have tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. James 4:14

Do not be anxious about anything; but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6

How amazing is it to serve a God who loves us? A God who knows we worry and that we want to be in control. A God who paves the road to our future and makes our paths straight. A God who knows us fully and calms the restlessness in our hearts and minds. A God that reminds us to come to Him with our worries and anxiety so He can handle it. Because prayer triumphs panic every time.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

19 Meals, $114

Here we go... Menu: 2 Potato Soup 2 Cheesy Chicken and Broccoli 1 Sweet Hawaiian Chicken 2 Italian Peppers and Sausage 1 Roast Beef Au Jus 1 Memphis BBQ Pit Pork Roast and Potatoes 1 Cheeseburger Soup 2 Chili 1 Honey Mustard BBQ Chicken 1 Italian Sausage Spaghetti Sauce 1 Balsamic Roast 2 Mac and Cheese (non crock pot) 2 Shepherds Pie (non crock pot) Shopping List: 2 cartons chicken broth (or 4 cans) 3 cream of chicken 3 cans corn 4 cans tomato sauce 3 cans cheddar cheese soup 4 cans diced tomatoes 1 can diced pineapple 2 cans kidney beans 2 cans black beans 3 bottles BBQ sauce 1 bottle honey mustard 1 Memphis BBQ Pit Seasoning Packet 1 Au Jus seasoning packet 2 packages cream cheese 3 bags of shredded cheddar cheese 2 Pork Roasts 1 package roast beef 2 bags of chicken breasts 2 packages Italian sausage links 1 package Italian sausage (ground) 8-10 lbs. ground beef 2 boxes yellow rice 1 box spaghetti noodles 2 boxes macaroni noodles 4 p...
Post a Comment
Read more

There Is Enough Time

When I became a new mom of two, my mom gifted me a book she read when she became a mom called 'There is Enough Time.' It was really old, an "original." It was written in the fifties is what I'm saying. I read most of it and nodded my head in a agreement a few times but mostly, it felt so irrelevant. Raising kids in the 50's was very different than it is now. But here's what I've noticed since I've been holed up with my kids for the last two weeks (yep, tonight is my 14 day mark), there is enough time. It's been forced upon us, yes. Something we Americans don't like - how dare the government tell us what to do? (gasp!) - it's like we got grounded because the neighborhood bully got us in trouble. But when all the "fun stuff" got canceled - the sports, the plays, the parties, the people - we were forced to reevaluate our days. It turns out, when you have nowhere to go there is enough time. Enough time to dance, to go on fam...
Post a Comment
Read more

20 Meals for $200

Good Evening! World's worst blogger here. (Seriously. I will never be consistent here, folks.) But I have some meal prepping for you: 20 meals for less than $200. I'm not sure the exact amount because I bought groceries for the week and a year's supply of baking ingredients (for all the Christmas goodies) and frankly, I don't want to do the math. But it's definitely in the just under $200 ball park. Let's get started... Menu | Simple Spaghetti & Meatballs Tuscan Chicken Cajun Smoked Sausage & Rice Pulled Pork Pork Tacos Teriyaki Salmon Vegetarian Chili Chuck Roast Winger's Chicken and Waffles Southwest Chicken Y'all. These are the most simple meals to throw together. Because Christmas. And I'm not going to busy myself being extra when I want to enjoy the holidays. It took me about an hour. Grocery List | 2 packages of spaghetti noodles 2 packages of rigatoni 1-2 cartons of broth (this is to add to the meals when cookin...
Post a Comment
Read more