Skip to main content

When Anxiety Sets In



I didn't realize it at the time, but looking back now I can tell I had some definite struggles with post-partum anxiety after I had Isaiah. This anxiety bled into my pregnancy with Maci. I remember worrying about whether I'd love her enough and I also remember being afraid of Darren dying. It was so weird. I feel like this is something not a lot of people talk about. Everyone talks about the joys of pregnancy and then cautions you about post-partum depression and the baby blues. But not many people talk about anxiety. The thing is, post-partum anxiety is also very real and it doesn't look how you'd expect because a lot of the time, it's internalized.

It took some soul searching and many meetings with Jesus for me to come out of the cloud of anxiety. First it took me a while to name it and then to replace my worry with trust in God. The more I cultivated my walk with God, the more I understood His sovereignty. This allowed my post-partum recovery to go much more smoothly with Maci and also helped my parenting and now this pregnancy. 

I have been way less anxious this entire pregnancy. But as I near the end, I still get different flashes of anxiety. While reading, "You and Me Forever" by Francis and Lisa Chan, this sentence jumped out at me:

"If you worry about what would happen to your children if you were gone, you don't understand the providence of God."



As a control freak, I happen to know how easy it is to worry. Since so much of pregnancy and child birth is beyond my control, I can replay a million different scenarios of how things are going to go when I go into labor with Emmie. Will she be okay? Will I be okay? Will Isaiah and Maci be okay? Dear Lord, if things move quickly, please don't let my kids witness it and be freaked out.

I understand the providence of God. I know that worry will get me nowhere. I know He is a God that provides. But the control freak in me struggles to actually grasp the providence of God. Logically, I got it. In practice, I struggle. Why? Because I want to know all the things all the time.

The more I talk and listen to God and read the Bible, the more I am filled with peace and the more I am able to grasp His providence. If my Bible stays closed, I do a lot more talking at God and not a lot of listening. This is how my anxiety and worry and doubt builds.

Ultimately, the health of myself and my family is not up to me. The outcome of each day is not really in my control. When I start to feel out of control and anxiety starts to creep in, these are my go-to verses (I have them tabbed and highlighted for easy access):

Search me, O God, and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him... Romans 8:28

Why, you do not even know what will have tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. James 4:14

Do not be anxious about anything; but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6

How amazing is it to serve a God who loves us? A God who knows we worry and that we want to be in control. A God who paves the road to our future and makes our paths straight. A God who knows us fully and calms the restlessness in our hearts and minds. A God that reminds us to come to Him with our worries and anxiety so He can handle it. Because prayer triumphs panic every time.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

30 Gluten-Free Crock Pot Meals that Won't Break the Bank

In honor of my dad, this round of crock potting is gluten-free. Over the summer my dad was diagnosed with Celiac Disease and when I found out, I cringed for him. My dad, like me, loves food - all kinds of food but especially pastas, pizzas, bread. How on earth could we take out so many delicious foods that fall under the category of "gluten" and still be satisfied? Apparently it's not as hard as I thought. These recipes are REALLY good, completely satisfying, super easy, and very affordable. I did 30 meals for $168 (this includes a strainer I needed plus disposable trays for the two freezer meals). Keep in mind these recipes are NOT Paleo or AIP. They are simply GLUTEN FREE. That also doesn't mean fat-free or calorie-free. Sorry, folks! ;) You also won't find any cream of whatchamacallit or seasoning packets. Not because I'm completely opposed to them (though I do know they are highly processed and not good for us), but because most, if not all of them...
41 comments
Read more

How We Painted Our Cabinets {and Totally Transformed Our Kitchen}

About 9 months ago I took the plunge and painted our kitchen cabinets. I feel like this is the DIY project that most people are afraid to tackle because, hello! It is the kitchen. So much time is spent in the kitchen and it really is the focal point of the home – if it’s done sloppy, wrong or doesn’t turn out as expected it would be a huge headache and a lot of money to fix. However, this is probably the best DIY project our family has done. Not only did it make a HUGE impact on our home and main living space but it was extremely cost effective at only $150. Once upon a time, our kitchen looked like this: Now it looks like this: It was pretty yellow before. Maple was everywhere. Maple cabinets, maple floors. I walked in this room and it felt like it was constantly glowing (even after I painted the walls a beautiful shade of “perfect greige”). Anyhoo, I knew I wanted a white kitchen. I feel like white cabinets appear decade after decade. They are timeless and cla...
7 comments
Read more

Post-Partum Myth Busters...

...for me at least! The entire time I was pregnant I received a lot of advice - good and bad. It's ALWAYS nice to hear what happened to other people/what worked for them but, let's be honest, when it comes to someone who isn't a parent or isn't a parent you'd like to be, their advice can just be stupid. I know everyone is different but I'd like to share my experiences. For those of you that would like to hear it, here are a few things that have come up during the first few weeks for me that I wish I had more of a warning about/didn't expect: 1. The hospital is NOT fun - everyone told me being in the hospital after delivery is great. You have all the extra help and resources, etc. No thank you! I didn't get any sleep while recovering because there was constantly someone in our room - checking my blood pressure (yes, I was woken up for that on many occasions), checking on Isaiah, cleaning the bathroom, getting your food orders (seriously, bring me a PB and...
5 comments
Read more